Today I'm here to tell you more about conscious parenting. I must admit, it’s been a bit daunting to get started. Dr. Shefali Tsabary has written three books on this subject, and I’ve been doubting my ability to teach it to you in my own way. I’ve also worried about how this message will be received, as I know not everyone is open to this approach to parenting.
And yet, the conscious parenting message has made such a tremendous impact on my life and my relationships that I really must share it with you. So, I’m getting out of my own way and just trusting that those who are open and ready for this approach will get what they need when they need it. As with anything I share, please just take what resonates and leave the rest.
At its core, conscious parenting is an approach to parenting that looks at the parent/child dynamic as a relationship between two spiritual equals. Instead of focusing on how we as parents can shape and mold our children, the focus is on the awareness, consciousness and evolution of ourselves as human beings. Our children are here to teach US where we most need to grow, heal and evolve. This turns the whole parenting paradigm upside down!
Instead of believing we can (or should) control our children, we realize that the only control we have is of ourselves and the environment we create in our homes. We realize that in every moment, we are co-creating the relationship we have with our children. We understand that it's our connection to our children, rather than our control over them, that will most impact them throughout their lives.
This means that we as parents must become aware of ourselves – aware of our energy, our tone, and our actions. We are energetically connected to our children and our energy affects them directly and is reflected back to us.
It also means that we ask ourselves WHY we make the choices we do. For example, sometimes we say no simply out of habit. Sometimes we say yes to avoid conflict or because it’s too difficult to hold our boundaries.
It means that we get curious about WHY we have the expectations we do of our children. A lot of our expectations are based on cultural conditioning – we accept what our culture is asking of us rather than discerning whether it is right for us.
One of the key areas of awareness comes in how we were raised ourselves and how that impacts our decisions in parenting. Let’s face it, most of us were raised by unconscious parents – even if they were loving and well-intentioned. Instead of being able to accept us for who we inherently were (which is what we’re all longing for – unconditional love and acceptance), our parents wanted to shape and mold us into who they wanted us to be. This was painful and it created wounds within us that we still carry with us. Unless we become conscious and heal this emotional baggage, we pass it along to our kids and create the SAME patterns in them.
My role as a conscious parenting coach is to help parents become aware, or CONSCIOUS of their own energy and actions and why they are choosing them. Once parents release their old expectations and emotional baggage, they’re free to accept, love and connect with their children more deeply and authentically. This is where the JOY of parenting lies.
While this may sound like deep or heavy work, the journey of becoming a conscious parent can be one of the most exciting and fulfilling adventures of our lives. The opportunities to grow in consciousness and love are endless. If you’re open to it, it can awaken you to the parent and the person you’re meant to be.
I know this is a lot to unpack in one short email, so I will continue to expand on these ideas in upcoming newsletters. If you’d like a starting point for becoming more conscious in any of your relationships, simply ask yourself, “What is this experience here to teach me about myself?”
Love and light,