My emotional journey...

April 20, 2020

 

I thought I’d share a bit of my emotional journey during this crisis in hopes that it will somehow help you. Overall, this has been a journey of awareness. I find myself watching and being the observer of myself. I have plenty of time to focus on this!
  

In the beginning, I got caught up in the uncertainty of it all. Shock at all the cancellations. Disappointment about the change in my daily life. Fear about how this might affect us. Sadness about lives lost and families changed forever. Guilt about my own abundance when others are struggling more. Restlessness. Boredom. A newly developed inability to focus. 
 
And resistance. A lot of resistance. I found myself thinking about what “should” be happening instead of this. I kept looking at my calendar and thinking about what normal activities we were missing. I kept thinking about when this might be over. I found myself in constant wishing that things were different than they were. I came face to face with my attachment to control. I like control, certainty, and predictability! 
 
I tried to allow myself to just feel my feelings. I know this is an important practice. It’s ok to feel. Simultaneously, I became aware that my thoughts were bringing me directly to my feelings. If I thought about sad things, I became sad. If I thought about fearful things, I became scared. If I thought about how I wished things could be different, I became frustrated, restless, irritable.
 
At some point, I decided that it was time to make a shift. I remembered that I could come back to what I KNOW. I could embrace the practices that have helped me time and time again.
 
I decided to move into acceptance of what was happening. Instead of spending my time thinking about what we were missing and when this would be over, I could accept that this is our current reality. I decided to focus on being present with my husband and my kids. Instead of wishing that things could be different, I could BE in the space that I was in. I decided that I would look for the good in my days.
 
I have to tell you, once I did this, everything shifted. I began to feel grateful for the gifts all around me. I began enjoying the time I spent with my family, connecting with each of them more deeply. I noticed that their energy began to shift too. I began reaching out to friends and family more through phone and video calls and feeling more grateful than ever for the people in my life. I noticed the beauty of nature on display. I spent more time looking for others who were also focusing on the good. I suddenly felt more peaceful, more patient, more loving, more grounded, more trusting. 
 
I thought that once I decided to shift that I would be able to stay there. Turns out this is just a process I continue to repeat. I’m getting better at noticing the pattern. I’m aware when my thoughts take me away from the peace of the present moment. When I find myself feeling the rollercoaster of uncertain emotions, I let myself feel them for a bit. 
 
This past weekend, I stayed in the emotion for a while. As always, my emotions followed my thoughts. I let them. Here’s a sample: My kids aren’t going back to school this year. The next time my son goes to school, he’ll be in high school. I’m not ready for this. I needed him to finish 8th grade so I could get MYSELF ready for him to be in high school. My kids are not playing on the basketball teams they worked so hard to make. Seniors everywhere are heartbroken. I’m tired of this! When will it end? I miss my friends. 
 
As you can imagine, I felt sad. I felt frustrated. I felt bored. I felt irritable. I felt unstable. I cried. And that’s ok. And now, I can sink back into my knowing. We always have a choice to move towards LOVE. When we can move into the energy of love, we not only feel better ourselves, but we have more opportunity to influence and help others. I want to keep coming back to this.
 
As I continue to journey through this uncertain time, I know I will probably keep riding the wave of emotions. I also plan to ask myself often: How can I move into the energy of love? I invite you to join me. I hope this serves you. Much love to you and yours. 

Love and light,
     

Mendy

P.S. I share about these topics and much more in my private Facebook group, Stress Less & Love More, a community of women focused on managing their own energy and becoming more loving to themselves and those around them. It's not too late to join! Click here.

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