Rewiring your relationship - here are the shortcuts you've been waiting for!

While it’s easy to focus on what we want and need from our partners, this doesn’t always serve us. Let’s face it, love is not really about what we’re getting – it’s about what we’ve giving. Our point of power comes from what we GIVE to our partners. Not sure what to give? Here are some options: Give what you’d like to receive. Often the thing we want most from our partners is the very thing we withhold from them. Attention. Presence. Validation. Support. Appreciation. Try giving what you’re lacking.

Give what your partner likes to receive. Sometimes our needs are very different from our loved one’s needs. Find out how she likes to receive love. The Five Love Languages can be a useful tool. Does your partner feel more loved when you use words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time or gifts? Ask him what makes him feel loved and give that.

Try these SHORTCUTS to understanding what your partner needs. I’ve learned that there are some common relationship patterns that most of us share. These are generalizations based on gender, so they may not apply to you, but I’ve found them to be accurate and helpful! For women: It may surprise you to learn that what most men want more than anything is to know that the women in their life are happy. They just want to make us happy! If you’re a woman, simply let your partner know what he’s doing right. When you’re happy, tell him! Thank him. Appreciate him. There’s no need to be fake but be honest about what does work for you. When men feel like they’re failing in this endeavor, that’s when they shut down and stop trying. So give him some encouragement! For men: It probably won’t surprise you to learn that what most women want more than anything is to be understood. Nothing makes us feel more loved than being understood. If you’re a man, give your partner your attention. Ask her questions. Request more information. You don’t need to try to solve her problems. Just listen and seek to understand. When women feel like they’re not understood, that’s when they begin to withdraw. So just give her the gift of being heard. Do these shortcuts resonate with you? Get curious and see if they apply to your relationship. Find a way to give that makes your partner feel loved. If you want to raise your relationship vibe, there’s nothing more powerful than giving. I hope this serves you. Love and light,

Mendy