Why I burst into tears on the way to school this week!
Years ago, when my son was in 6th grade and my daughter was in 4th grade, their schools started at different times. My daughter started at 7:45 and my son started at 9:00. They didn’t ride the bus, so my choice was to either drive back and forth in traffic twice each morning, or for my son to come with me to take my daughter and for us to wait and pass the time before I took him to school.
This was really frustrating to me at the time because I was spending over 2 hours of my morning just getting my kids to school. After feeling irritated and angry about it for a period of time, I realized how much worse I was making this experience with the energy I was bringing to it. I became aware of how much I was resisting the situation, and I decided to try to accept that this was my reality.
Once I moved into acceptance, I started to enjoy the time with my son before school. We would stop in this parking lot under a tree and sit in the car for almost an hour. We would talk, watch videos together and I would help him with his homework. On Fridays, I would take him to a local coffee shop to get breakfast. It became this really special ritual and a time of connection that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Fast forward a few years and now he’s a junior who drives himself to school. My daughter is a freshman, and they still have different start times to their day.
This week, I took my daughter to a coffee shop to grab breakfast before school. We went to a different parking lot and parked under a tree, and we sat and we talked. As we sat there, I remembered when this ritual began. And suddenly, the tears began to flow.
My tendency these days in parenting is to think about time and wish that I could slow it down. It’s passing too quickly! It felt like a minute ago that I was sitting with my 6th grade son, and here I was with my 9th grade daughter. But as I sat there with tears streaming down my face, I realized that wanting to slow time down is also resistance. If I keep looking back to who my kids used to be, I will miss who they are now. And I realized once again that the present moment is all we ever have.
And so, I invite you today to think about the things that may feel frustrating to you and to ask yourself: If I can’t change this situation, is there any way that I could accept it? Is there a way that instead of resisting the moment or the season I’m in, could I come into the present? It is possible to even find something beautiful about it?
Love and light,